What Makes a Marriage Successful?

Have you ever wondered what makes a marriage last a lifetime?
These are questions that plague many minds, young and old alike.

Having been around quite a number of married couples in our Catholic Church community over the last few years, I have gained knowledge which I am thrilled to share with you.
Today we will be going through a few tips for a successful and lifelong marriage.

1. Faith life
2. Selflessness
3. Humility
4. No Divorce

Welcome back and Merry Christmas, I know it has been quite a while since the last blog post. Please keep me in your prayers while I try to remain consistent.

Faith

Data from the Pew Research Center showed that the divorce rate amongst Catholics has been lower than other major religious groups. It is even lower among couples who go to Sunday mass every week.
When I stumbled upon this information, it didn’t surprise me at all because our Community is filled with examples of what real marriage looks like and it is not what we see on TV- it’s much, MUCH better.

While I know their life is not perfect, there is an authentic spirit among them as they speak freely about life as it is: with all the joys and struggles, all the highs, lows and in betweens. I think that makes it more attractive than if it were shown to be “perfect”.

What stands out the most to me is the Faith of these couples. Their lifetime commitment to God, to each other and to their children (if blessed with any) is highly admirable and worth emulating.
I see the role of God in their marriage is very much LIVED in their daily life which is  quite inspiring.
As they say, the couple that prays together, stays together. There is much truth in that.

Selflessness

Fulton J. Sheen said “Love is mutual self giving which ends in self recovery”
Much of today’s culture shows love turned in on itself but to truly love is to give of yourself, especially so in marriage; and to do so without counting the cost because that is what you do, for the one you love. Again, we are all broken people so sometimes we might not get it right but that is where greater love comes, in the form of forgiveness and patience, lots of it. I am sure going to Mass regularly helps in that.
Each day brings a host of new opportunities to be a gift of self.
Maybe it’s by doing a particular chore she doesn’t like, for eg. Ironing OR making his favourite dinner!
If the aim is to make the other happy and to be thankful for these tiny gifts.
Surely, life in marriage can be easier.

Humility

C.S Lewis said “Humilty isn’t thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less” how much of marriage requires you to put your husband or wife first?
All of it, right?
Loving involves sacrifice and that means giving of yourself to each other even on the days you don’t feel like it and even on the days you are upset with each other. For eg. Kissing goodbye instead of storming out or making up before going to bed are definitely some ways to encourage humilty and to remind each other that ” I still love you” even though I’m upset right now.

I guess that’s why they say marriage is a sanctifying experience. You take two totally different people and they come together into the unknown. They embark on a journey where the goal for each of them is to get the other to heaven. Hence, the vow “til death do you part”.

Divorce

Disclaimer: This is a sensitive topic for many and so please read this with an open mind. I would never want to underscore the reasons that bring about divorce as they are grave matters.
The purpose of this paragraph you are about to read is:
1) To highlight the effects of Divorce on children, families and by extension the society.
2) Suggest ways to reduce incidence of Divorce so that we can have more successful marriages.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman with the purpose of bringing out the good in each other and for the procreation and rearing of Children, if the union is blessed with them. Therefore, healthy marriages benefit the children, grandchildren of the union and the wider society.
Divorce fractures this bond between man and woman and the effects aren’t limited to the two people involved. It spreads to the children affecting them deeply psychologically and injures their future relationships in way they might not even understand.
It also affects friends, family and the society because people are left with the idea that marriage doesn’t work out and so they have a negative perception at just the thought of it.
Perhaps, some of you reading might relate to this. Let me know in the comments below. I would love to hear your thoughts.

How can we reduce the incidence of Divorce then and to make the marriage last a lifetime ?
• By learning how to love someone as Christ taught (link to blog) and not what we see in the movies.
• Living the Faith
• Exercising Humilty and Selflessness
• Going to Confession

Wrap up

A successful marriage takes a lot of work. A lot of dying to self. I am grateful to be Catholic because I have learnt a lot through Christ’s example and by the older married couples in our life.
I thank them for their humilty in the way they live their lives so that younger married couples understand what it means to truly LOVE. ❤️

Thank you for reading Share this blog post if you liked and I wish for you a blessed New Year! See you in 2025.

Til next time,
Abby